Parricide, the killing of a parent, is rare. But the recent deaths of Hollywood director Rob Reiner and his wife, Michele, have drawn attention to the fears many families face when a loved one struggles with addiction.
For parents of children with substance use disorders, the case is not just a headline. It reflects the chaos and unpredictability that often define their daily lives.
Marilynn Ulrich of Connecticut said she feared for her safety because of her son’s addiction. After hearing of the Reiners’ deaths, she posted in a Facebook group for parents of children with addiction issues.
“I don’t know what my addicted son is capable of,” Ulrich wrote. Her post drew dozens of comments from parents who said they shared the same concern.
Ulrich said she does not see her son regularly because he lives in California. Over the years, she has tried to get him help.
Ron Grover of Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, said his son’s drug abuse consumed the entire family’s life for years. “This is not a disease that affects just one person. It’s a family disease,” Grover said. His son is now sober.
Federal data show more than 48.4 million Americans have a substance use disorder. Millions of family members are affected as they try to find ways to help.
Addiction cuts across race, class and geography. Families in suburbs, cities and rural areas all face the same challenges. Stigma often keeps them from speaking openly.
Parents often describe a painful duality: they love their children but fear the consequences of their addiction. Many try rehab, therapy and interventions, but feel powerless when relapse occurs.
While parricide remains rare, the fear and disruption caused by addiction are widespread. Families say the Reiner case underscores the need for compassion, destigmatization and stronger support networks.
“As a mother, you’re looking for answers, because you want to solve this problem. It’s hard to just say there’s no answers and I can’t solve it as a mother,” Ulrich said. “It never leaves your mind. It’s always hovering, and you’re wondering if you’re going to get a phone call about some calamity.”
Having also worked in rehab, she says she knows treatment can help, but “you can’t force your kid to get well.” And sometimes, multiple trips to rehab are needed.
Unlike other diseases where a treatment can reliably keep someone stable, it’s difficult to know what will work with drug addiction. There are a variety of approaches and no simple one‑size‑fits‑all solutions, said Dr. Kimberly Kirby, a professor of psychology at Rowan University in New Jersey. “And the things the family goes through, it’s just heartbreak. It’s not just the heartbreak of seeing a child in trouble but laying out thousands of dollars, depleting retirement funds trying to save their child.”
There certainly have been successes with treatments and family interventions, she said, but not everyone reaches a happy ending.
“I don’t give up.”
Audrey Bonafe, who lives just south of Richmond, Virginia, says her son Foster is clean now, but it was a long and harrowing journey to sobriety. She’ll never forget the night when he turned up at her house with a gun, she says, and was high on something.
Bonafe says she held on through fear and uncertainty, and today her son is working and sober. For her, the Reiner case is a reminder of how fragile recovery can be, but also how vital it is for families to keep fighting.
